Cultivating the Loves of your Children - McGee

Every time I step into the garage to grab my drill and a measuring tape my four year old son sprints to his room. He rummages through his plastic, Black and Decker tools and sprints back with his drill and his 2 ft measuring tape. He does this almost instinctively, not because he is an abnormally helpful child, but because he is an entirely ordinary one. He wants to be like his dad, to do what dad does. And when his mom makes pancakes, he’s at the counter in a flash reaching for a spatula and the cup of sticky batter. He wants to be like his mom, to do what mom does. I’m sure these stories don’t come as a shock to any of you because, surprise surprise, you also have ordinary kids who want to be and do just like their parents. 

In the same way, my charge here at the start of the year is nothing new, it comes from an ordinary dad to ordinary parents trying to educate their ordinary kids “in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord” (Eph 6:4). Children learn to orient themselves to the world according to the orientations of their families. They learn how important simple things like food, shelter, and fellowship are from how their families act in the world. But they also learn how to prioritize more complex things like attending church, exercising, how to speak to a spouse, which sports team to cheer for, and on and on. To borrow from C.S. Lewis, who was borrowing from St. Augustine, the actions of our lives shape the desires and passions of our children. 

This is a daunting reality. If I tell my son that cellphones are silly or dangerous – while I sit on the couch answering emails on my phone all evening – the actual priorities and loves of my life shape him. If I tell my son to study and enjoy the classical music he learns at school – and then I crank up the hottest country music hit when he gets in the car – I’m shaping his loves without even saying a word. 

Here’s the real kicker, if I send my son off to a school that requires him to diligently slog through difficult math fact sheets and Latin translations and Shakespearean plays, my response to his work is just as important in shaping the desires of his soul as the work he does in the classroom. If my son sees me bemoan having to check every problem on his math homework, I’m training him how to value math. In the Logic years, if I never once ask him about the literature books he reads in class or pick his brain about their class discussions, my action (or lack of action) trains him how to value his books. As his parent, my actions will inevitably shape his desires. 

So, as we launch into this brand new year loaded with excitement and joy and a healthy dash of anxiety, I charge you to intentionally shape your child’s loves by living out those loves in your own life. Work on your child’s schoolwork with them in the way you wish they would work. Pray with them how you wish they would pray. Love the good things you wish they would love – soon enough they’ll follow. They can’t help it… they’re ordinary kids, right?

Sincerely,
Collin McGee
Upper School Director